Learning To Measure Differently

Obedience and Faithfulness.  It's how my husband and I have come to measure "success".

We live in a culture that loves to measure...highest score, most points, how many followers we have or "likes" we get.  We are constantly assessing whether something is a success or a failure, good or better.

But when it comes to church planting...when it comes to living missionally, I'm fairly certain these types of measurements may very well kill us.

From the beginning, Vaughn has always said that he is not so much interested in planting a church, but instead in planting a mission...living the way of Jesus, in community.  Establishing rhythms of life that reflect the heart of God, and hoping that our neighbors, coworkers and friends will be drawn to this way of life, along with this person of Jesus, as we grow in our relationships with them.

It feels right.  It's our response to the call to love God and love others.  It asks of us obedience and faithfulness.

Played out perfectly, it seems like we would see lives transformed, witness hope being restored, and participate in deep relationships. (And that is what we'd love to point to when we're "measuring" how successful we've been)

But nothing is ever perfect, and this way of living is proving to be far more messy than we would have thought, leaving us with more questions than when we began.  To be honest, there are days when it feels down right discouraging.  Because if we're measuring in any other terms other than obedience and faithfulness, some days it very well feels like we're failing.

Sitting on the couch together, Vaughn turns to me and says, "So, what is so good about the Good News?"  It's a question he asks our church community often.  It's a question that seems obvious and easy to answer if you've been raised in the church...Jesus loves us unconditionally, died for our sins, and offers us life in Him through a relationship with him...duh!

But that's not what my husband is talking about.  When he asks this question, he's coming off of a conversation we've been having a lot these days.  If this news that we're offering is so good, why aren't more people embracing it for themselves?  Why is it so easy for people to support us in what we're doing, but not really be interested in it for themselves?

For the last four years, we have poured our efforts into engaging our neighborhood, trying to find ways to connect, to build relationship, to establish "community" amongst the people we live near.  Our desire is to live and love in a way that draws people to Jesus.  But what if people aren't looking for Jesus?  What if people aren't interested in Jesus?

William Nicholson writes, “Self-sufficiency is the enemy of salvation. If you are self-sufficient, you have no need of God. If you have no need of God, you do not seek Him. If you do not seek Him, you will not find Him.”

We are experiencing the truth of this.  And it's hard.  It has me wondering.  It feels overwhelming.

If I'm honest, at times, it feels like we're wasting our time.  What do you do when a need isn't recognized...when we live in a time that has many of us deceived into believing that we will find hope, purpose, even joy in something that we can pull off on our own?

When I get to this place, I'm always forced to go back to our terms of measurement.  Obedience and faithfulness.  Are we walking obediently?  Are we being faithful to what God has called us to?  I believe we are.

But there are days when this doesn't feel like enough.  There are days when my heart desires to see something tangible as a result of this way of living, when I long to be encouraged and inspired by what is happening around me.  I want to see lives transformed, dang it!

Is this selfish? Maybe. But I know my Father desires the same thing...even more than I do.

And so where does that leave us?

Here is where I share with you some amazingly insightful and inspiring thought...

But I don't have one.

I seriously am asking, "What does this mean?"  I'm trying to walk obediently and faithfully, while still acknowledging my feelings.  And in all reality, right now it feels hopeless in a lot of ways.

I do know that often times the Lord is working behind the scenes, moving in ways we might never know of.  I get that, and I'm ok with that.

But I can't deny the fact that there seems to be little need for what we've got to offer, and this weighs heavy on my heart.

So, that's where I'm at today.  Walking that line between hoping and holding on loosely.  Working hard to believe, while choosing to simply walk faithfully and obediently.

To My Girls -- May your hearts be captured by those times when you see Jesus at work.  Tuck these experiences into your heart, never forget them...return to them as you remember who God is.  Because there will be days when you feel overwhelmed, when you wonder why we do what we do and live the way we live, when so many others choose differently.  There will be days when your hearts cry out to see change in those you've come to love, as you desire more for them through a relationship with Jesus, but wonder if they will ever choose this for themselves.  Remember that your call is simply to walk obediently and faithfully to that which the Father has called you to.  Do this well, do this passionately, do this with all your heart.