I found hope in reminding myself to remain in the vine. I desperately needed the life that was offered to me in my remaining.
Slowly, though, over time, life got in the way. And I went from holding on to the vine with all my might, to slowly losing my grip. Instead of remaining, I was coming and going as I pleased. I became distracted by the details of my days, and filled my time with mindless activity.
The end of the school year arrived. The girls embraced summer with open arms. We packed up Vaughn's classroom, and celebrated the completion of his first year of teaching.
My mind hardly had time to anticipate the Pastor's Retreat Vaughn and I were scheduled to attend. But as we pulled up to our meeting place, it slowly began to sink in. When Vaughn told the man checking us in that we would be staying for four nights, my head began to spin. Be still oh my heart!
The first morning we were there, we were given Psalm 23 for our meditation exercise. We were encouraged to go out and walk for the first 30 minutes, noticing our surroundings along with what we were thinking and feeling.
Immediately I wanted to go to the water. I love water. I wanted to listen to it, put my feet in it, look at it. There is something about water that draws me. But on this day I felt compelled to keep walking.
As I continued to explore the grounds we were on, I rounded a corner to find an amazing green space...with poppies! I have fallen in love with these flowers ever since we moved to Colorado. The space was beautiful, so I sat down and began to read Psalm 23.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures..."
I could not go on. It was not lost on me where I was sitting. As I felt led away from the water that day, to the green space, I knew what the Lord was doing. He was making me lie down in green pastures.
Typically, when I feel as though someone is trying to make me do something, I want to rear up a bit. My pride kicks in and I convince myself that I know better. It can be a very ugly thing.
On this morning, though, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of God's love in "making me lie down...". I recognized His hand at work in bringing me to this place. And slowly He reminded me of the word He had given me in September.
How had I forgotten? When had I stopped? What was more important or life giving that would keep me from continually inviting Jesus to speak into my days, my thoughts, my circumstances?
Before we were sent out on this exercise, we were encouraged to engage this time as an open conversation with Jesus. So, that's what I did.
Instead of slipping into shame, instead of scolding myself for forgetting, instead of convincing myself that I had not proven myself worthy of entering into the Father's presence and therefore robbing myself of time with Him. I simply lifted my eyes up and asked, "What happened?"
Gently Jesus met me in the conversation. He reminded me of how much I like to be in control. He revealed to me my lack of patience. He spoke to me of my pride and selfishness.
All the while, though, He was loving me. A soft breeze cooled my face and it was as if His presence was being made known. I felt the delight He was taking in visiting with me. I wasn't being judged, or scolded. I was being wooed. Because that's the Jesus I'm learning to know. One that draws me to Him with poppies, and His word, and His patience.
One that makes me lie down, not because He is controlling, but because He knows my soul deeply needs the life He has to offer. Because He knows me better than I know myself, and He's willing to pursue me and wait for me all at the same time.
In this green pasture, I heard His voice...
"Remain in me and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine and you are the branches. Those who remain in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing."
To My Girls -- There is nothing more important in this life than remaining in Christ. May you find ways to invite Him into your daily walk, learning how to converse with Him along the way. My prayer is that you find delight in discovering the ways you best connect with Jesus, without getting tangled up in the legalism of spiritual disciplines. As you continually invite Jesus into the conversation, I have no doubt you will bear much fruit!
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