Conversations...(Part 3)

I like to think of myself as a fun person.  I love to laugh.  I love to be crazy.  I love having a good time.  However, when I picture myself in this way, I immediately see myself with my husband, with my sister or with my close friends.

I'm sad to say that I don't necessarily see myself like this with my girls.  Don't get me wrong...we joke around and laugh plenty together.  But when I picture myself with them, most often I see myself in "teacher" mode.  I'm always trying to take hold of a teachable moment and use it for all its worth.  If a teachable moment were a wet rag, I'd wring that baby bone dry. 

I just want for my girls.  I want them to grasp the value of being kind and gracious.  I want them to learn to be responsible and aware.  I long for them to think ahead and make wise choices.  To be honest,  I'd love nothing more than to be able to impart to them all I've learned in my 39 years, keeping them from having to experience the pain, the hurt and the disappointment that comes from not knowing these things.  If they listened to me, and fully grasped what I was saying in these moments they could be so far ahead of the game!

But I know life doesn't work that way.  I know so much of what we know ourselves, must be learned through experience, trial and error and personal choices.  So as a parent I'm put in this position that gives me the freedom and authority to speak truth into my girls, but also requires me to let go of trying to control each situation in order to make it as impactful as I think it should be.

Now, before you write me off as a completely neurotic mom with serious control issues...please read on (because you may be right, but I am learning!)

Finding ways to play with my girls is something that the Father has been challenging me with lately.  I know the value of play.  I have experienced the benefits of play.  Play is something I want to do more with my girls.

Play allows my girls to see me in a different light.  It allows us to bond differently than a "parent moment" might.  It speaks love to my girls without using words.  It brings joy.

Even as I write these words, I'm asking myself why aren't we playing more?  Why is it so easy for this mom role to suck me into acting so serious all the time?  Why do I assume I should be the one watching instead of joining in?

I know there are days when I'm just tired and weary from being the mom that I forget to let loose sometimes.  There are days when my interactions with the girls feel incredibly intentional, or challenging and I just want to sit back, let them play, and breathe in the space.  I think that's ok.

But somewhere in the in between, I lose that part of myself that loves to be crazy, that loves to laugh, and is desiring more joy.  I know the Father created me to be full of energy and life with a laugh that can be heard across the room.  I want my girls to know this part of me as much as any other part.

This summer has given us the opportunity to play together.  The down time, the flexible schedule, the summer weather, it calls me to play.

I also know I don't want to have to rely on the stars perfectly aligning in order to engage my kids in this way.  I want to find ways to make play happen.  I want to be aware of those times when I'm just watching, and choose to jump in more often.  I am committed to listening more closely to the Father's whispers as He cues me in to those moments when I need to let go and simply become a part of what is happening around me.

As the school year approaches, I know it could be a challenge.  Once we get into the "routine" days get filled up, energy is spent keeping everyone on task, bedtime comes quick and so does the morning.  But I refuse to forget what I am learning. 

I will choose to play, I will choose to let loose, I will choose to laugh, I will choose joy!

To My Girls -- My hope is that you will not just remember the "life lessons" I have taught you, but that you will also remember just being together, playing together, laughing together.  I love watching you do all of these things, but would be sad to think about missing out just because I chose not to join in. Thank you for inviting me into your play.  Thanks for making me feel loved by your squeals of delight when I do join in.  And most of all, thanks for your patience as this momma learns and grows right along with you!