Living My Story

Living a better story...

Donald Miller looks at this concept in his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.  If you haven't read it, DO! This book has wrecked me...in a good way.  I've been through the book several times.  The first two times I was challenged and inspired.

The third time rocked me!

The timing, the season I was in, the circumstances surrounding me, were all aligned in such a way that the question in this book, "What does it look like to live a better story?" third time around, left me feeling overwhelmed, doubtful, and discouraged.  I found myself longing to have the money to travel internationally with our girls, on mission together, giving them a bigger world view and a sense of who God is through these types of experiences.  Unfortunately, we don't have the money to fly 6 people anywhere right now.

I was captured by the idea in the book of living adventurously, and through this adventure, experiencing God.  I pictured our entire family biking through the mountains together, taking in the amazingly, creative work of his hands...and through this experience drawing closer together as a family and closer to God as our creator.  However, one small detail keeps this from being a reality....none of us have bikes! (ok, that's a big detail, I know)  And right now, six bikes just don't fit into our budget.

And so I swung to the other side of the spectrum and began to dream about all the ways we could live a better story through selling our house and all our possessions.  We could move to the inner city of Denver and live simply, relating to and doing life with the families that are in those neighborhoods.  There is a part of my heart that could get really excited about this....except for one thing....it's not where the Lord has called us right now.

And so I'm left with the question "What does it look like to be a middle class family, living in the suburbs, living a better story day to day?" At first I didn't love thinking about this...because to be honest with you, none of the answers sounded very romantic.  I realized that I had become captured by this idea of doing something "big" and "amazing".  Something others could point to and say, "Wow, they're really doing it!"  I longed for a sense of true purpose...I wanted to find purpose in something worth giving my life to!

And yet, my life kept getting in the way!  There were meals to prepare and laundry to do.  There was cleaning that needed to be done in order to host church in our living room.  There was homework to oversee and car pooling to cover.  And none of this felt like much of an "adventure" in any way!

Here is where the doubts came in and the discouragement.  Here is where the whispers of the ever crafty enemy were heard and listened to.  He must have had a script, because he knew just what to say.  It was as if he knew me... 

"You are wasting time with your life."

"What can you point to that is making a difference in this world?"

"Vaughn is a pastor AND teaching 8th grade in a high need, hard to fill teaching position.  Now that's living a better story!"

"You have friends that have found ways to incorporate ministry opportunities into their business, who have adopted orphans, who are volunteering in various ways."

"What are you doing that looks like anything?"

"You don't even feel equipped to parent your teenage daughters, so don't use the parent card to make yourself feel better!"

Ouch...that last dagger really hit its mark!  And I almost started to believe these lies.  Ok, I actually did believe them for several days...several very dark days.

But slowly over time,  I began to hear another voice.  This voice was so much more gentle. There was something in me that recognized the truth in what this voice was saying.  This voice, too, knew me, but I also heard a deep love in this voice.  This was the voice of the One who created me, the One who called me, the author of my life.  This was the voice of my Father, and so I listened...

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Luke 10:27)

But Lord!!!!

Really!?!?

You know I love you. And you know that we've tried to love our neighbors well. But I'm ready to do something exciting! Something big...something truly worthwhile (oh yes, believe me when I say that I felt this).

Then there was silence...

For several more days the Father allowed me to walk around like a spoiled brat, throwing a temper tantrum because my Daddy wouldn't help me do great things in His name.....or would He?

Little did I realize the work that was being done in my heart as I lamented the story I was living. And slowly my eyes were opened to the way my Father was at work in me and through me...

A spontaneous, meaningful conversation with a daughter, an opportunity to speak truth into a friend, the awareness to remain present in the given moment allowing myself to "re-see" the little lives around me and the value of pouring into them.

Gradually my heart is becoming captured once again with the everyday. I've been here before. I know the truth of living here. But somehow I had wandered...somehow I had lost my way.

Graciously my Father is bringing me back. Reminding me that living a better story is about loving Him and loving others. Reminding me that I was not meant to live someone else's story. Reminding me the value of being faithful with what He has given me and where He has me right now, knowing He will be faithful to me in return.

So, I ask myself once again, "What does it look like to be a middle class family, living in the suburbs, living a better story day to day?"

Right now, for me, it means continuing to press into my relationship with my Father...seeking Him, listening to Him, obeying Him, trusting Him.

It means battling hard against the lies of the enemy, reminding myself that my role as a mother is one of the greatest stories I have ever been invited to be a part of.

It means continuing to explore and wrestle with the idea Vaughn has had for doing a neighborhood meal once a week in our home. (We have numbers of friends who are doing this sort of thing in their own neighborhoods.  Is it time for us to do the same?)

It means being aware of those around me.

Donald Miller writes, "The reward you get from a story is always less than you thought it would be, and the work is harder than you imagined. The point of the story is never about the ending, remember. It's about your character getting molded in the hard work of the middle."

I'm in the middle....and I'm being molded. My prayer is that through it all, I'm loving my Father and those around me well.

That feels like a story worth giving my life to!

To My Girls -- May you always remember that living a good story is simply about obedience and faithfulness.  Listen to what God is calling you to and obey.  Walk faithfully with Him (even when it's hard and it hurts) and I have no doubt that a great story will be the result.